At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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