I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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