i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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