found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
