The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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