DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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