...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
