I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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