all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
