Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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