Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
