so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
