well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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