dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
