you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
