C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
