Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
