I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
