grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
