She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
