my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
