Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
