Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
