I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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