Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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