she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
