i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I smell like Dick and happiness
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
