Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
