What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
