My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
