ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
