Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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