I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I've blown a few things in my day
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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