my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
