my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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