You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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