he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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