apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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