Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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