That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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