There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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