Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
