we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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