I look better un-naked...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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