my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
