Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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