That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
