I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
