...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
