I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
