You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
