I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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