I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
