Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
well you can't waste a boner
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
