Non-Jews are for practice
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
